Ah, one of my most favorite topics....and one that brought me grief from so many through the years: not having (make that not wanting) children. And the older you get not only do the chances of you being able to have children drop, but you tend to be judged later on in life for making the choice
The Today Show - Today's Woman Part 2 (video segment)
I remember vaguely as a child that of course I played with dolls. I remember "Tubsy" and I remember Barbie to some degree and then that doll came out that was like Barbie only smaller. I think her name was Dawn. Anyway, while I had dolls, I didn't have strollers and fancy cars and tons of clothes etc. with them.
And I don't remember dolls being that big of a deal to me.
That probably should have been my mother's first clue that she had had a child that was born with some parts missing.
Specifically a biological clock.
This really didn't seem to be an 'issue' until later on in my 20's (mom was being pushy) and really that was just her...and then that went on into my 30s (especially when I was with John for so long), and then well, once I got into my 40's she had given up.
I don't really recall, like the first girl in the video segment ever really feeling like I was an outcast for not wanting children (now not being married is an ENTIRELY different thing; another post), although I know some of my friends didn't understand that (not wanting children)...and while a lot of my friends don't have children (and are knocking on 40's door), they still would like to either have (or had) babies. And then I do have quite a few friends that are in late 40's and early 50's, happily married for years and no babies. By choice.
Truth be known, I was pregnant once. I was 21 I believe. Twas not to be. And I am not one bit sorry about it either. Judge away. And one of the reasons I called off so many engagements was because each one of them wanted kids eventually and I knew that I would never change my mind.
I kind of checked out or zone out whenever one of my friends rambles on about how they want babies so badly. Its not because I don't care, its because I don't get it.
Let's see...I have dated a lot of men with kids. I have been engaged to men with kids. And I adore kids!!! And I am a kid magnet! Kids adore me as well. I always say I think its because I am not 'mom'. I am like the cool aunt or sister. And that's exactly how I like it.
Any time I dated someone with kids, I found it extremely difficult to be any more than that. I would probably let kids just get away with just about anything to be honest. I am not a disciplinarian. Well thats not true, but I grew up where stern was king and you got whuppin's. Not exactly something I should be doing with someone elses you know?
However, I never thought that my reasoning behind wanting children was pure selfishness. I don't believe that for a moment.
I know I am selfish. But honestly, I just never wanted kids. I never thought 'shit if I have kids I can't do this or buy that'. Not having kids was not a selfish choice on my part. I just never thought about it to begin with. See? No biological clock/I wanna be a mommy someday going on inside this body! No way mister.
I just never wanted any of my own.
I don't believe that not having children now; ever or even much later in life is the stigma it use to be. Sure there are those women out there that will judge me, you or whoever out there and think 'something is wrong with us' in some way...or that we lack certain understanding and skills...but that is not the case I assure you.
I feel like I am rambling on, but the segment is interesting to watch indeed. And I think its unfair to be judged on choices like whether or not to bear children. And if you choose to wait until after you are 40, more power to ya!
Anyway, sound off if you care to. For, against. Do you judge? Do you have kids? Want kids? Never even entered your mind?