No Regrets? Hell to The Yes I Have Regrets!

I'm sure at some point you've been asked, "What's your biggest regret?" If you're like 90% of people I know, you respond with the typical, "I have no regrets/everything happens for a reason/every mistake has made me who I am today."  Holy bullshit.

If you claim to live a life with no regrets, you are probably in denial, or you haven't fully lived, loved, or taken any chances. You can't tell me you don't regret hurting someone at some point, or not taking a kick ass job when you had the chance, or letting someone you love walk out of your life. To me, regret doesn't mean sitting around and obsessing about what could've or should've been; rather, it's a realization of "I f***ed up." You recognize it, learn from it, grow, and move on. In my opinion, regret is what drives some of us to evolve into better people.

I recently read this article, in which the author, a palliative care nurse, outlines the top regrets expressed by her patients in their final stage of life.

The reasons were similar in that each directly addressed the happiness of the individual. There was no mention of money or material wealth (in fact, many regret working so much); instead, the responses dealt with emotional happiness and the fostering of quality relationships.  The article really made me think: if I found out I had only weeks to live, what would be my biggest regret(s)?

Framing that earlier question about regret within the context of  your final days will likely change the views of all my "No regrets, bitches!!!" friends.

I'm a person who believes time is precious and shouldn't be wasted. I fill my days with activities (mostly work though) but I'm beginning to realize it's not just about the quantity of things I accomplish each day, but the quality of them, as well as the quality of people I choose to share my life with.  And that leads me to my biggest regret: I wish I would've quit more.

You heard me.

I wish I were more of a quitter. I can't tell you the number of times I've stuck with a situation or relationship that is creating drama and pain simply because walking away would be "quitting", aka an admission of failure.  This was the most true with the fiasco that occurred from 2007 to 2011(ish).  I told many many people during that time why I didn't/couldn't just walk away, even telling him at some point, it was because I wanted to 'win'.  Ugh.  Now he (at least up till now) is my biggest regret and mistake.

And boy how I did indeed learn from it.

I look around at people I know and realize that I'm not alone in my behavior.

There seems to be an ever growing abundance of martyrs and individuals willing to go down with the metaphorical ship because damn it, quitting is for losers!

Many times we make excuses for our misery.  We justify that many people have it worse than we do, and I don't disagree; I'm simply asking, is "not terrible" acceptable? 

I'll even go so far as to suggest that relationships and experiences filled with mediocrity and lack of fulfillment can be just as detrimental to your happiness as those which are outwardly negative.  Look at your job.  Your partner.  Your friends. Your neighborhood. 

Is there a reason to stay?  Or maybe, just maybe, are there things in  your life you need to quit?

Please don't take this as me telling you to give up on everything in your life that isn't perfect. 

It's not an implication that problems can't be resolved or that life doesn't have its ups and downs.  But let's face it: when something has run its course, you know it.

Therefore, maybe what we perceive as quitting isn't really quitting at all; it's acceptance. It's finally opening your eyes and acknowledging that you're dragging around dead weight that serves no purpose. 

So many of you (myself included) have eliminated the toxicity from your food supply, but what about from other areas of your life?

If you are focused in on the quality of your nutrition, why are you not so eager to demand quality from all of the other elements that comprise your day?

Simply put, if you are aware of things in your life that serve little value, you should cut them loose and reclaim every precious moment they've been stealing. 

Spend it with the people you love, doing the things that matter.

So friends, I give you permission to quit that which does not add value to your life.  

I hope that someday, you look back and celebrate your risks, forgive your mistakes, and come to the conclusion that your positive experiences far outweigh any regrets.

Evil Lurks...When You Least Expect It

Every morning I do several things within 10 minutes of getting out of bed:  bathroom, water, brush teeth and then I either get dressed to head out to run or not get dressed to run.  And if I am not going running, I go outside on my porch and sit down for about 5 min taking in the quiet and stillness of the morning.  I think about anything that might have bothered me in the night, but mostly I just enjoy that its morning and that I get to live another day.

And 98% of the time I do this, its anywhere from 5:15am to 6:00am, but generally its right at 5:30am.  If I am running before work, I am up at 5 and out the door at 5:30am. 

This morning I knew I wasn't running (only running on treadmill for now except on Saturdays due to ITBS), but as I laid there contemplating getting out of bed, I kept hearing this squeaky vehicle that had passed by a couple of times.  This is odd because either you are leaving or you are parking.  I live basically at the dead end into the parking garage.  I really didn't think too much about it to be honest, just that it was odd to me.  There is one resident there that I know that has a squeaky vehicle like that so I figured it was them possibly.

As I walked onto my porch, said vehicle was coming from the back part of the property and had again turned into 'my drive' towards the garage.  I heard him in the garage, turning around and I thought WTF?  Is this guy stalking someone, looking for their car? 

As I was sitting there and he emerged from the parking garage he clearly looked up towards me and knew I was on the porch, and another car had just turned towards the garage...the truck then pulled straight into a parking spot ahead and proceeded to get out of the truck and left his door open.  As he began walking towards the garage, I got a bit spooked for some reason and got up to go inside, and he looked up at me as he was passing by.

I went inside, locked the door immediately and went into my room, shut the window and pulled the blinds.  I had no idea where he had gone and even though I live on the 2nd floor of 3, I did what I did.  I went back to the living room to look through the blinds on the door and I could see his truck still there, driver side door open, and lights on, but I still had no idea where he had gone.

I then just decided to get in the shower and when I emerged about 10 min later, if that, I went to the door again, and there was the guy next to his truck and a man dressed in an HPD uniform!  And it appeared the guy was in handcuffs.

Periodically in between all the things I do to get ready for work in the morning, I would check outside and it wasnt until close to 7am that an actual police cruiser showed up.  That is what was weird to me!  Where had this other cop come from in the span of 10 min while I was in the shower?!  There was no cop car that I could see anywhere.  Had one of the resident cops come outside to go to work and noticed creepy guy?  I had no idea.

So I leave for work, dude is in back of patrol car and his vehicle is being searched.  Are you freaking kidding me?  WTF? 

After I get to work, the first thing I am thinking about is that this guy saw me, knows where I live and probably thinks I am the one that called the cops!  So I email my landlord about something else but also mention the incident this morning.  When she writes back and tells me that 'A' is an onsite HPD officer (lives there) actually apprehended the dude, I just replied back with how uneasy I was, so she called me.

Here is what happened:  So remember when dude exited his vehicle, left the door open and headed towards the garage?  Well the one car that had went by that I mentioned...well dude was going in there to rob that person!  Only dude didnt know when he was almost to the car, the guy exiting the BMW?

HPD.  Full uniform.  Boom. 

So a lot of this and that and basically ended up with po-po taking down the creepy guy and then of course thats when I come out of the shower to see none of that (it was actually in the garage anyway), only to see the aftermath.  At one time when I first saw the guy I figured he was probably scoping out the bikes that are chained up on that first floor, but apparently when he saw the BMW guy going into the garage he figured he would rob him?

Now here is where I get creeped out.  What if I had stayed on the porch?  What if the guy hadn't been a cop?  And what if this guy robbed/shot whoever and then ran from the garage and I was still there?

And what if I had walked outside to freaking go run?!?!?  I get creeped out 99.9% of the time I run that early anyway, but run in the middle of the road, opposite side of traffic etc., but still.  Part of me figures had I seen this guy before or as I was going downstairs I wouldnt have continued on.  My senses are extremely heightened that early and I am hyper-sensitive to anything out of the ordinary.  And if I am running, and a car even so much as slows down, I am going to bolt.  I've done it a couple of times, and one time in particular on an early Saturday run where the guy actually got out of his truck.   Ugh.  That still spooks me when I think about it.

Now this guy has some ballz too, because honestly 5:30am is not such a smart time to be casing an apartment property.  People ARE beginning to wake up and ARE out walking their dogs and what-not.  And apparently his phone rang while HPD cop#1 was waiting for back up and it was his friend down the road.  HPD cop#1 acted like he was the criminal and the person on the phone said 'dude, whats taking so long?  Its getting to be the time people will be getting up'.  And also apparently the guy has a record and is on parole, so he's going to jail fo sho.

But even so, I must say I am still spooked by it, and thankful that at least for a while, I won't be having to run before work.  I don't know that I could given what happened this morning.  I will stick to the treadmill, and only after work running on the roads, except for Saturday morning group runs.

Even though I live in a nice neighborhood, in a gated community and surrounded by nice neighborhoods, there is always room for the bad people.  They could be just a few streets over (zoning is dumb in this part of town), or they could just be driving by and think 'oh that looks like a good place to case'..

So my message to people is to be hyper-sensitive to your neighborhood and anything that doesn't look like it belongs or is just 'different'.  And call the authorities!  You just never know!  Your instinct is typically right on target, and if it isn't, no harm done at all!

Looking back on it now, instead of getting in the shower I should have called the cops.  If that had been just a resident and not a cop, they could have been hurt and I was the only one that had seen the guy, his truck and his license plate number.

Shark Snark Attack!

My Momma always told me 'if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all'...well I do abide by that advice for the most part (moreso now in the past few years as I have matured...), but there are some days where I want to just unleash on so many things, but I try not to breed negativity.

I am not sure what's going on these past few days, maybe its PMS, or PMS (and yes they ARE different)...or maybe its because people are just people and I get so disappointed ... maybe I just pick (and picked as in past tense) bad apples, or maybe I am just vulnerable/gullible or something to where mean/bad people seem to end up in my life somehow.

For a long time I have wanted to write out some feelings about a person who was in my life for many years since I began running, we had a relationship...off and on, but we always would find our way back to each other (and always a bad idea)...He would be the first one to tell you how awful he treated me: cheating, lying...more cheating, and a lot more lying...how he took advantage of me and my feelings (which today I know those weren't real).

I should have known better (I did know better)..I mean anyone that cheats on his wife numerous times, chooses his own needs (wanting to date other women because he only ever was with his wife, sans the people he cheated with during his marriage) over his child, being broke all the time due to trying to keep up with whoever, letting his house go into foreclosure, not taking care of his dogs (this bothered me the most)...well this is not a good man...There were times I thought I loved him, but I didn't.  I was in love with winning...I wanted to be the dump-er...and ultimately I was.  I'd never had anyone treat me (badly) the way he did and my ultimate goal was to change him...now that was the dumbest idea ever.

I wish I could write it all here, but that would be writing a book, and well I'm just a blogger..not a full blown writer...so I give you a summation of where my thought process went when finally laying it all to rest.

Into everyone’s life, occasionally a little crazy must fall.  It’s kind of an inevitability… like hitting every green light on the way to work when you’re trying to put on your makeup.  You enter into what you are fully expecting to be a long-term, successful friendship, but through your naivety or trust or purity of heart, you somehow miss the person’s warning label emblazoned on their chest that screams: “BEWARE! Toxic person!!!”

It happens to the best of us.  It’s definitely happened to me… I allowed someone in my life who turned out to personify “toxic” in more ways than one.  There were definite red flags along the way, but as someone who always believes the best in people, I ignored them.  Until it reached the point that I couldn’t. 

A person can only slap you so many times before you have to stop turning the other cheek. And though this person’s actions say a great deal more about their weakness than mine, the entire experience taught me something very valuable, which I will now share with you.

Not everyone belongs in your life.

When you have a light that shines bright, you’re going to attract a lot of, well…moths.  But these moths will do nothing but dull your shine, get in the way of where you’re going, and ultimately, create a big old mess.  It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it. 

Look around you at the people you spend the most time with and realize that your life can’t rise any higher than your friendships.  If you surround yourself with toxic people who drag you down, depress you, use you, and betray you…the friendship, and your life, has nowhere to go but down.

Remember:  It's a lot harder to get someone OUT of your life than it is to let them IN, so please…be selective.  Oh God how this is true...its almost been 5 years of hell now; most of 2011 was free of it; sans the mini-drama here and there and accusations of ridiculous proportions...and finally now that I have written this, its done forever...

Anyway... It’s your life.  It’s your destiny.  It’s your party. 

And not just anyone deserves an invitation.