I am not sure what's going on these past few days, maybe its PMS, or PMS (and yes they ARE different)...or maybe its because people are just people and I get so disappointed ... maybe I just pick (and picked as in past tense) bad apples, or maybe I am just vulnerable/gullible or something to where mean/bad people seem to end up in my life somehow.
For a long time I have wanted to write out some feelings about a person who was in my life for many years since I began running, we had a relationship...off and on, but we always would find our way back to each other (and always a bad idea)...He would be the first one to tell you how awful he treated me: cheating, lying...more cheating, and a lot more lying...how he took advantage of me and my feelings (which today I know those weren't real).
I should have known better (I did know better)..I mean anyone that cheats on his wife numerous times, chooses his own needs (wanting to date other women because he only ever was with his wife, sans the people he cheated with during his marriage) over his child, being broke all the time due to trying to keep up with whoever, letting his house go into foreclosure, not taking care of his dogs (this bothered me the most)...well this is not a good man...There were times I thought I loved him, but I didn't. I was in love with winning...I wanted to be the dump-er...and ultimately I was. I'd never had anyone treat me (badly) the way he did and my ultimate goal was to change him...now that was the dumbest idea ever.
I wish I could write it all here, but that would be writing a book, and well I'm just a blogger..not a full blown writer...so I give you a summation of where my thought process went when finally laying it all to rest.
Into everyone’s life, occasionally a little crazy must fall. It’s kind of an inevitability… like hitting every green light on the way to work when you’re trying to put on your makeup. You enter into what you are fully expecting to be a long-term, successful friendship, but through your naivety or trust or purity of heart, you somehow miss the person’s warning label emblazoned on their chest that screams: “BEWARE! Toxic person!!!”
It happens to the best of us. It’s definitely happened to me… I allowed someone in my life who turned out to personify “toxic” in more ways than one. There were definite red flags along the way, but as someone who always believes the best in people, I ignored them. Until it reached the point that I couldn’t.
A person can only slap you so many times before you have to stop turning the other cheek. And though this person’s actions say a great deal more about their weakness than mine, the entire experience taught me something very valuable, which I will now share with you.
Not everyone belongs in your life.
When you have a light that shines bright, you’re going to attract a lot of, well…moths. But these moths will do nothing but dull your shine, get in the way of where you’re going, and ultimately, create a big old mess. It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.
Look around you at the people you spend the most time with and realize that your life can’t rise any higher than your friendships. If you surround yourself with toxic people who drag you down, depress you, use you, and betray you…the friendship, and your life, has nowhere to go but down.
Remember: It's a lot harder to get someone OUT of your life than it is to let them IN, so please…be selective. Oh God how this is true...its almost been 5 years of hell now; most of 2011 was free of it; sans the mini-drama here and there and accusations of ridiculous proportions...and finally now that I have written this, its done forever...
Anyway... It’s your life. It’s your destiny. It’s your party.
And not just anyone deserves an invitation.