You People and Your GoshDarn Memory...

Jamoosh brought up a very good point in a comment recently:

Thought you were done with marathons? Regardless, more power to you!

Why yes, Jamoosh, I did say (write) that I believe shortly after completing Houston back in January.

I had just come off of about 8 months of marathon training for 3 marathons within 99 days (October - January).  While I bailed on one of them (Dallas White Rock) for the 1/2 distance instead because of weather, I still trained back up to that sucker after completing Chicago 8 weeks prior.


Anyway, between the weather at 2 of them, and then the weather at Houston along with IT band issues 3 days prior and about half way through the marathon...


Well let's just say that my body was worn the fuck out.


As was my mind.


So yeah, at the time and up until as recently as Monday of this week, I was still a no more marathons kinda girl (at least for a while).


Outside of doing another marathon, I pretty much was more adamant about not TRAINING for a marathon even...for at least a year.


Until this week.


I knew a week ago that I had my guaranteed entry into the Houston 2013 marathon if I wanted it.  First I had to decide whether or not to even apply for it, which I did.


Then I got it and then took 5 days to decide (at least initially) if I was going to cash it in.


Which I did.


This injury, unlike any of the others (which were not near as painful as this one has been), has given me so much to think about.  And again, moreso than the other couple of times.


At first, all I cared about really was how soon could I do CrossFit again, but then over the past couple of weeks, it all became about how soon could I run again.


I'm a runner.


Plain.  Pure.  Simple.


Would I have come back to so quickly to the idea of another marathon?  I would add 'so soon', but lets face it it will have been a year since my last one, and yes I would be training starting in August (or actually as soon as I am able to really run again), and that would have been only 8 months...


But the past 5 weeks of not being able to not only not run at all, but the level of pain especially the first 3 weeks is something that I just cannot overlook...


And all I can think about now is running...running...running...


So yeah...I said no more marathons in one breath...


And then I said no marathons within a year...
Not even training for a marathon for at least 12 months...


But that was 5 months ago that I said that...


And things...well...things are different now...


All I know is I will start marathon training as soon as possible (since I need/want to build back up to 10 miles by August)...and I will start that training with Kenyan Way just like I have for the past 6 years...


But whether or not I toe the line for the full, the half or even take a deferral will just have to be a story not yet written....

F is for Fun! And Fitness! For Li(F)e! They Go Together (or should) Like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong

After I finished Houston this past January, I wrote this little post:  Semi-Retirement

When I posted that on Facebook, I got a lot of hmpft's and yeah whatever's, as for some reason a lot of folks didn't believe me, couldn't understand, or just seemed baffled.

What?  That I could just stop doing marathons?  Why is that so hard to believe.

But if I am being honest, I too wondered how I was going to actually 'handle' that.  I mean, for so long now its what I have been doing.  Half marathons, marathons, races in general.  Of course the smaller races really started to take a back seat the last 2 years since all I had time or the desire to do was train for marathon after marathon.

Well obviously the first couple of weeks were fine.  I had not one ounce of desire to run any further than 10 miles for a long time.  And when I would have a half marathon coming up, then yeah, I would run 13+ a few times to train for good measure.

I even had this idea of going sub-2 at the half this year.

Then things started to change.  I started liking not having to run.  I liked not feeling like if I ran on the treadmill that that was somehow cheating.  I loved not getting up to run at 6am on a Saturday if I didn't feel like it.  I loved that I started thinking that 4 miles on any given day was just fine.

I loved working out at the gym.  I loved when I started CrossFit.

And slowly, very slowly, I was finding that running was becoming that thing I did when I was too sore from CrossFit, or because I didn't like the WOD that day, so I would run instead.

And then in my head, I started thinking of why I started running in the first place, why I kept running, and ultimately why I started putting so much stock in getting faster.  Going further.  Doing more.

And I didn't like the answer.

While I do indeed love love love running, and I will continue to run...duh...why I started was good for me, why I will continue is good for me, but for the majority of the time I realized that the pressure I was putting on myself was being driven by my thinking that if this or that...then...we'll just use the word "acceptance' by a person that use to mean something to me; that was important to me; someone I looked up to; someone I thought would at the very least be my friend for a very long time...and that would...well...'accept' me. 

That would love me.

I was doing it to try and 'win' the admiration, applause and acceptance of someone that I knew their opinion wasn't worth my effort, because to them, I would never be good enough.  At anything.

Fucking stupid. 

The thing is...I am good enough.  At so many things, including running. 

Being good at something doesn't mean you are the best or even above average.  Being good at something means you can do it.  Whatever 'it' is.

I am my best when I am doing anything in my happy state.  If I am miserable or not fully invested in a given activity, then what the fuck is that all about?

I've known this forever and have applied it throughout my life, especially in serious relationships.  I always got out while the gettin' was good, and up until a couple of years ago, always always the minute things weren't 'right'.

So why haven't I been applying this?  I don't know...Not until just recently.  But maybe I did...

There were times that I think I knew...but I was so deep into the running and training even after that person was banished from my life altogether, that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. 

It wasn't until the past couple of months that I have found clarity. 

I have found balance.

I have found happiness.

I have found peace.

So.  What does this all mean? 

Well I am not going to quit running.  That would just be stupid.  But I have decided against running my half marathon at the end of June.  I was all set to fly to Seattle, was staying with friends, etc., but yesterday I told them I wasn't coming after all.

I still have my Fall and Winter half marathons...  :O)

I am not going to do any more of the Spring series races either.  There are only a couple of them left anyway, and I just don't feel like training for speed either.  I might still go to hill workouts, and with the workouts that involve running at CrossFit, well there isn't anything quite like that anywhere else!

I want to run because I like running.  If I want to run slow one day, or walk one day, or run fast one day, then I want to have the freedom (in my head) to do just exactly that.

I will still run just about every single Saturday with Kenyan Way, because I have friends there, and its a supported long run.  And of course KW has been and always will be near and dear to my heart.  I will just run whatever damn distance I feel like running.  :O)

Unless of course, I don't want to.  :O)

I seriously doubt that I ever run another marathon.

And I can't believe how easily that I am to type that.  Say that.  Live that. 

I want to continue to do CrossFit.  I want to continue to swim.  To cycle.  To run.  I want my life to keep being as awesome as it has been in the past few months.  Run half marathons.  Do sprint triathlons again. 

Be active and 'present' in my life.  And in the lives of those closest to me.  After all, those that I love deserve the best me I have to offer right?

What a revelation!


Two nights ago I had one of the most vivid and 'real' dreams that I can recall in quite some time. 

Basically, I was in the dream with others (can't recall who and it doesn't matter), I was then 9 months pregnant and delivered a healthy beautiful baby girl.  Effortlessly I might add.  Yes I actually remember delivering the baby girl like it was actually happening in real life.

I remember it so clearly that I woke up, slowly, trying to get my bearings and was recalling it while I laid there.  It was surreal the feeling that I had.

Anyway, I used the internet to research what the dream could have been interpreting and I found this to be extremely eerie, but yet, spot on.

To dream of a baby represents virtue, comfort, and starting over.  Babies embody all aspects of your personality and character that are untainted and chaste.

Indeed.  It went on further to suggest that the starting over, the (re)birth if you will, was of myself. 

That I was following my heart, and my personality.  To do things that are true to MY nature, not someone elses.

It was further suggested that for the past year, since losing my mother, and actually with both of my parents now being deceased, that I was free from the ties that held me to try and live up to their expectations. 


Especially my mother's.


Whether that was how I dressed, to how thin I was, to my finances, or what, where, when and who...even at my age, my mother insisted on knowing these things as if I were still some child.


And that with this dream, that I have finally, finally, finally, broken free of the ties that bound. 


We are just past the year anniversary of her death.


So here I am.  Finally.  After 48 years, I have seemingly come into my own.


And isn't that what this blog and its byline should be about:  Fit and fabulous.


From every aspect, especially in our head and in our heart.  Because if those aren't right, nothing seems to be 'complete'.

Maybe today should be deemed my 'birthday'.

I think its safe to say any thing I may have written (in private) for goals for 2012 have either been erased, and in some cases already exceeded my wildest expectations.

Kyle - The Chosen One

Yesterday I had my first 'meeting' with Kyle, the trainer, based on what I wanted to accomplish and what direction I wanted to go in (more on that later), was the one chosen for me.

Remember when I said that all the trainers there scared me?  Well apparently they aren't all massive dudes of muscle and over 6 feet tall! 

I got to the gym before my 4:30 appointment, changed out of my work clothes and since Kyle wasn't there yet I got on a treadmill and was easy jogging for maybe 5 minutes.  I was looking out the window and across the street I saw this big dude getting out of his car, obviously a trainer and I thought to myself "oh hell". 

But then a moment or so later I see out of the corner of my eye another guy coming towards me; I took out an earbud to hear him say "June?" to which I responded with "Kyle?"

While Kyle is definitely in shape, he is not in the category of huge, massive or scary.  Kyles expertise lies in nutrition/diet and not necessarily in training to be the next incredible Hulk.  :O)

But I will say that Kyle is in the category of super cute.  Dang a dang dang, I could look at him for h'oooours.

So really I don't want to get too involved with what direction I am migrating to, or what I 'want', for fear of boring you to death, plus I will get into pieces of it as I move along this process.

When Kyle asked some general questions first off, it was clear to him that he was chosen because he best fit my 'needs'.  Also I think its pretty obvious that I know what to do as far as working out, eating etc., but I have yet to really find the best mix for me, and well with only myself to hold accountable, I tend to go off and on (also obvious if you've been reading me for any length of time, or personally know me).

I explained to him past eating habits (downfalls), my successes, what always works but for some reason I forget and slip and then fall off the cliff altogether, my routines of fitness for the past 10 years, again what worked and where I failed.  And then I told him what I have been doing the past 2 weeks (primal 80/20).

Incidentially on that note, I have noticed a difference the last two weeks, but sometimes I am impatient and have to remember the length of time in 2010 that it took me to what I loved about my body and my health then...and also unfortunately what things made me slipslide back to old ways. 

Tomorrow I will probably go ahead and take some 'before' photos even though the REAL work with Kyle won't begin until after Dallas and Houston, but we will be easing into it until then (our first real session is Tuesday).  He knows that I have the 2 marathons coming up and what my limitations are there surrounding working out and my diet.  Although he did say that with my workouts consisting of only running right now, that carbs indeed are not necessarily the end all to be all.  That there is no reason why I cannot continue how I am eating and still run long without carb loading like everyone would have you believe.  Remember my last 2 long runs have been in my current primal state with no repercussions, so I know this to be true (at least for me).

Once we start strength training though he said, if I am too low on carbs (and that carbs from vegetables dont count; more on this later), then I will see a drastic drop in performance when strength training.

According to Kyle, he would like to see my percentages at 126/110/35.  Protein/Carbs/Fat.   126g's of protein is a lot, but I can do it!  Especially with primal.  I will tell you right now, I am no where near 110g's of carbs a day.  Especially since he says I cant count vegetable carbs towards that 110.  Based on that all I get is carbs from the fruit I eat, which isnt that much!  An apple/banana a day, and every now and then fruit/protein smoothie.  I am afraid in January he is going to convince me to re-introduce brown rice to my diet.  :O(

I want to take the opportunity here to let you all in on something;  Corn, beans and potatoes ARE not vegetables.

Corn is a grain.
Beans are legumes.
Potatoes are I dont know what, but they aren't vegetables.  Especially when in the form of french fries or tater tots.  However, my indulgence for french fries from time to time will still happen.  Moderation here people.  I wont go without french fries or cake... not.  gonna.  happen.  :O)

And all 3 of these are not good for your insides or your outsides!!

Thats right, on Primal, I am not eating any of those things (see the french fry rule though).  I did eat a few green beans that were in my salad the other night, but I am mostly speaking of pinto, black, navy, so on and so forth.

And corn?  Corn (grain) is what they feed to animals to make them fatter faster to get them to slaughter!   Anyway, I just wanted to get all of that out.  I will never in my life eat corn or beans again.  Potatoes, eh, in moderation if an occasion and will pick sweet potatoes over white.

Kyle and I spent most of our time talking about food choices etc., then I asked him to show me around the grounds and he introduced me to the stairmill which I have never used, but hear horror stories, but also see what obviously great results people get from using them.

We will not be introducing the stairmill until after Houston.  My legs could not take that thing and run.

I won't go into what my goals are, but obviously my middle section is my 'situation' and I asked him point blank if my age and hypothyroidism would prevent me from my goals?  He said absolutely not.  That honestly (and I already knew this) that for me to get where I want to be, it comes down to what I put in my mouth.  I know this to be true because last year when I succeeded thats what it all came down to.

However, on top of that, I have a few other goals and again, he assured me that its entirely possible with the right attitude and the right work ethic.

I think Kyle and I are going to do big things together.  I am so excited for Tuesday!

Are you already working on 2012 goals in the fitness category?  I have a feeling its gonna be awesome.

• obviously I am!  Oh and I signed up for Seattle today!!! :O)  I would have signed up for Vegas as well, but they werent included in the 11-11-11 special of RnR $20 thingamabob.  They dont even have Vegas 2012 on the list yet.