Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Well It's About (damn) Time...Or Maybe It Isn't

I am apologizing in advance that this yet not another recap of the Chicago Marathon...I was going to get started on that, but all day yesterday, through the night and even this morning, I have had some things I needed to get out and for whatever reason felt it necessary to write it all down for others to know.

As many of you know, back in September I wrote a blog post addressing a comment by Anonymous, who I later found out by his admission that he indeed is actually a living breathing in real life friend of mine.

He sent an email, with somewhat of an apology and the "I don't know why I did that" kind of thing, I responded to him with one question at the end to-wit I never heard back from him, and that was the end of that.

A couple of days before I left for Chicago, I received an email from him which answered a lot of questions, like why I never heard back from him.  He had been struggling with why he had done what he had done, had seeked out advise from even his own mother.  The words he wrote were from his heart, and I had always thought of him as a friend, was his cheerleader when he raced (he's one of the fast ones), so it was easy for me to forgive him because sometimes we all say things sometimes based on the events of that day, or some other factor that can turn our tongues into wicked forked ones.

The reason I bring all this up again is not to rehash all of that, but because of that comment that day and the response that I wrote, it all came to the forefront of my mind on Sunday.

There were 2 separate incidents during the race that would inhibit timing and my ability to know exactly what was going on in regards to that, which I will go into more detail in the recap post, but these 2 factors would resurface in my mind not long after finishing as 2 of the best things that probably could have happened to me even though at the time, I was so first.

I am not going to drag and drag this out, but it has come to my attention that not only do I love running, which I think is pretty darn obvious to anyone and everyone, but I love running so much that I realized this past Sunday during the Chicago Marathon that I don't care about timing and how long it takes me or doesn't take me.

When it became obvious to me that I only really had the timing clock to sorta go by as I made my way through Chicago to gauge where I was at, I slowly started to realize as each mile that ticked by that it was true what I had said in that post...this race was never about time.  It was about me, my momma, the issues we never got to work out between us, the questions I never got answers to before she died...

I wonder now...were those 2 separate events something that was destined for me to learn something deep down about myself...about this thing called running...had God and Momma intervened in this way on purpose...everything happens for a reason right???

I thought about all the people that would be asking "what was your time?" "did you PR?" "did you meet any goals?", and I cringed because I wasn't sure how I would respond because honestly I had beat this horse to death already, and I didn't want to come off as rude in my responses.

Yes, I may have come away with a PR at the distance (6min) and at that particular race (9min), but how do I make anyone understand that what I came away with was a new sense of being and a new love for running in races.

Its not that I don't want to ever go faster at any particular distance, but I can assure you I don't really care if I never do again.  I have even contemplated running races in the future without a chip or a D/B tag...and without a timing device wrapped around my wrist.

I can't say for now if either of those things will come to fruition, but you just never know. 

What is the downside of no one ever being able to validate whether you ran a race or didnt?  Or that you PR'd or didn't?

Is there one?  I certainly don't know and its a question that I will be soul searching in the coming weeks as my next marathon approaches in just 7 weeks at Dallas/White Rock...

One last thing that I have to comment on because it is also something that I just cannot quit thinking about:  Out of all my marathons, half marathons, etc., I can honestly say that I have never quite felt the satisfaction and joy of finishing that I have with this one.  I use to think 'how many more years do I have before my times slow down and wont be able to do this anymore?'...Now I say 'WHO CARES!??!?!'

I just keep feeling this overwhelming feeling of happiness and pride...

This one was special for the obvious reason (why I did it to begin with), and because that saying goes "timing is everything"...

Well thats just not true.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

It's about the journey & each journey is different. You had your mom on this "journey". The next one will/can be different.
Gives us strength.

Great post. :-)

On another note: Wouldn't it be nice to have a reality show about runners. So many interesting stories out there.