Yes, I'm still Alive...

Did 15 miles on Saturday.  It wasnt great, but it was better than the previous week in terms of how the legs felt.  The route was a full 16 miles, but I cut a mile off at the end opting to run straight back to base instead of going all the way around the park.

The main reason for this was after about mile 9 my mind turned to other things and all I could think about was getting back to my car.  And here is why.

I know I havent talked much about my mom lately, but heres the low down.  We've had hospice now for almost 6 weeks.  Her room at home is nothing but a hospital room complete with everything you would see in any hospital room in a normal hospital.

On Friday, early evening I get a message from my sister.  Things have gone over the weeks from some good days some bad.  The past week its been mostly bad.  The hospice people and the infectious disease doc told her on Friday that its almost time and there is nothing more that they can do.  At this point there is no time frame, its day to day and she could go at any moment without some of the usual outward signs.  On Friday when I got the message, there wasnt any indication that she would make it through the night.

My plan, was to run early, and get it out of the way and get out there as fast as I could.  This is why I was anxious to be done.  The closer I got to base, the more I just wanted it to be done.  Obvious I would think.  And I suppose some might question my decision to run in the first place, and believe me I fought with that decision, but I did what I thought was ok to do.  What she would have wanted.  And deep down I knew that she was going to hold on for a bit longer..

I did indeed make it out there in time, getting there right about 10am, and thanks to an IV for hydration she was at least opening her eyes.  And when she saw me, she definitely knew who I was.

We are reduced to feeding her and giving her juice through syringes.  When she'll let us.

I ended up staying all day and all night and just thankful that she made it through another day.  At the writing of this, she is still with us.

The question is:  How much longer?

Its heartbreaking I tell you.  Just unbelievably heartbreaking. 

In regards to going through with doing the full marathon at Houston, I am still on the fence.  During the run yesterday I had issues with my back and my ankles both.  Not to mention right now, I dont have my speed back that I had when I was training for Chicago.  I am at the point where I have to decide whether I go through with it and deal with a not so good time at the end; not to mention all the stress of more long runs between now and January 8th...or do I just switch to the half and relax, give the legs the rest that they clearly need and go for a huge PR.  I dont think the big PR for the half distance will come at White Rock, but you never know.  I suspect with things the way they are with my mom, there will be some training time lost here in the near future.  At this point I will be waiting until my next long run which is 2 Saturdays from now before making my final decision.

Thats all for now...its all I've got...