Kenyan Way Long Run - 12 miles

Eh, I was going to do 13, but it ended up being 12. 

At least this 12 miler was better than the last 2 in the previous weeks.  Wasn't great, but better.  I am hoping that this week, with me and life getting back to some sense of normalcy both mentally and physically, I can at least not embarrass myself too badly at my upcoming half marathon on Sunday.

While I have not been able to train really at anything other than going the distance, and with the much warmer temps, it surely will not be my best finishing time, but I plan to have a good time with friends who are also doing this race.

As I said mentally each day I seem to be better (even though the first thing I remembered this morning was that it was a week ago today that we buried Momma), and I should be able to really get some normal rest and sleep this week as well. 

I actually ended up working at Lukes both Saturday and Sunday this past weekend, which is great for the pocketbook, but hard on a girl otherwise.  I was dead to the world Saturday evening and ended up with a lot of sleep which was great since Sunday not only did I work, but spent the evening into the late hours at a baseball tournament and then just staying up late in general; thank goodness I did get all that sleep on Saturday night!  I actually don't feel that tired today on such little sleep last night!

Going to take it easy this week workout wise, a bit of running, some gym time (tonight) and only 1 night of hot yoga.  Hopefully all of that will help with an OK finish time at Angies on Sunday!  Heck at this point, I just want to finish in an upright position!!!

I am looking forward to a non-working weekend!!!!

One Day at a Time...One Day at a Time

Thursday 3/17/2011 - Turned off the alarm somehow and went back to sleep so no before work run (yes I went back to work today); 90 min hot yoga
Friday 3/18/2011 - No Run (long run tomorrow; 13 miles)

The hot yoga session I had yesterday did WONDERS for me.  Not only was I able to (almost) completely zone out mentally, but the the extreme sweat session I had and the physicality of it all just ... well it just helped.

While I have been keeping up with my running, I hadn't been to hot yoga in 2 weeks.  I havent missed that much since I started back in October.  I think I went a week once.

In addition to all of that it allowed me to have my first night of blissful sleep.  I remember only once having a dream and that was after the alarm had gone off and I had dozed back off.  There was nothing that I recall occuring in the night as I know I never woke up.

And now for the really exciting part!  Something I have been working on/towards for a few weeks now and while I had indeed managed to 'get into' a toe stand position a couple of times now, I had not managed to 'get out' of it without falling over!!!

For those that do not know what a 'toe stand' is, here are a couple of photos:

Side view

Notice the girl in the middle who is not quite yet into the pose; this shows the beginning of actually getting into toe stand.  Then you pretty much do the same thing to come out of it (which is much harder by the way!).  I am not yet able to take my hands from the floor into prayer (look at the girl in the front row to the back of the picture; that would be me at this point; and also in the previous picture as well) :O)
The follow picture shows the beginning of the pose (also known as tree pose)

Then you start to bend forward, lifting up on your toe, letting your hands reach to the floor, while bending that knee into a 'sitting' position...Took me FOREVER to be able to do it.  Requires mucho flexibility and as a runner, that isn't always a gift. 
I almost peed myself yesterday when I was actually able to get back up, as I said, without falling over onto the floor!

And now for something that I found to make me smile today....

:O)

2 - 1 - 1 = 0

There are so many feelings and emotions surrounding one and one's head when a parent is lost.

I lost my daddy 16 years ago.  I was very close to my daddy.  While this event was indeed heartbreaking and devastating to me, it was very different than this go round.  16 years ago, I was self medicating myself with booze, drugs and partying.  They slacked off for a year or so but then began again up until 2004.  Its just what I did to drown out all the turmoil from all the years of this, that, the other, and then losing daddy.

Also I didn't have to take care of daddy during his bout with lung cancer.  Momma took care of that. 

Now?  Well I have been clean and sober now for going on 7 years, and while I thought going through the normal ups and downs of life that way was tough...eh...nothing compared to going through this that way.

I am still struggling with sleep and when I do sleep, I have vivid dreams pretty much the entire time. Not of her, just dreams in general.  About some strange things really; none of which right now I can recall.  People say that that is normal for some because of all the emotions and stress surrounding the situation; your mind is just active all. the. time. (moreso than normal).

Being so close to this situation with momma over the past year (which incidentially she passed exactly one year TO THE DAY from the stroke), taking care of her, sacrificing (nothing like my sister did though) etc., well it just puts you much closer to the situation...as a caretaker, even in a minimal capacity that I consider myself to have been involved, makes the loss so much greater. 

Anyway, the whole reason for the post title of 2-1-1=0 was for the reason that that is how I feel.  Like I have been reduced to a 0.  I don't know where I belong.  I mean, even after daddy died, I still had my momma, but now? 

Now I don't have any parents.

I don't have a momma or a daddy.  To me that just sounds sad.  And just not right somehow.

Its something that I am struggling with and figure its going to the one thing that takes some getting use to.  Or maybe I wont ever get use to it.  I still miss my daddy and its been 16 years...I think about him a lot actually. But I am finding myself really having a harder time with the loss of momma, which is weird because of our history and just the fact that I never considered myself 'close' to her ... I think about her more than I think I did my dad in the few days afterwards...again I can only attribute this to my state of mind and the fact that I am not only older but as I mentioned, clean/sober.

I don't know really...just still kinda feels surreal to me.

I feel like Little Orphan Junie.

Just the Facts

Monday 3/7/2011 - 12 mile run.  Wasn't pretty but it got done.
Tuesday 3/8/2011 - opted out of hot yoga and got the call from sister while in the car home so I wouldnt have gone anyway
Wednesday 3/9/2011 - 3.5 mile run under the cover of darkness
Thursday 3/10/2011 - 5+ mile run under the cover of darkness
Friday 3/11/2011 -No run
Saturday 3/12/2011 - 11 miles.  Bailed out of the Bayou City Classic 10K (not that I even ever had the chance to sign up) and ran with Kenyan Way instead.  Was very tough.  Very little sleep and very little food since Thursday.   There was some walking and some crying.  Wow.  I just  noticed that I ran 12 miles just 4 days ago.  That might have contributed some to my legs feeling like they just had no get up and go as well.
Sunday 3/13/2011 - 3 miles
Monday 3/14/2011 - No run
Tuesday 3/15/2011 - 6 miles

We had my mom's service yesterday.  It was perfect and beautiful.

I have a lot to write about; non-running stuff...more like some 'life' stuff, but I am just not ready to sit down and write a lot just yet.

Thank you for you sentiments and comments of sympathy.

Here is one of my favorite pictures of my momma and my daddy; one that we used during the service on the picture collaboration.

In Memory

August 10, 1928 - March 10, 2011

Rest in Peace Momma

Temporary Hiatus

As many of you either know or have surmised from previous posts, my family and I have been helping Momma out since her stroke last March.  Things were 'ok' until July 2010 where things started going not so well and just got progressively worse.

We are at the end, or the beginning, however one chooses to see it.  We have everything done, we are just waiting for her to decide when its time (maybe a day or maybe a few; we obviously dont know for sure).  The music is set, the clothes are picked out, the photos are chosen and the pall bearers are chosen as well.  And Momma herself picked out and paid for all the other arrangements a long time ago.  Yes we are a Type A family.

If you're a praying sort, all I ask is prayers for a painless and peaceful journey for my dear Momma.

Momma at 17.  Wasn't she just absolutely gorgeous?  I always loved this photo.  To me she looked like a movie star.

Ash Wednesday - Beginning of Lent - Fast

It's that time of year again.  Last year I gave up all meat.

This year I have no idea what to give up.  They say instead of giving something up you can add something to your life..that requires dedication, serves others; whether that is God or people in general.

The act of 'fasting' and the rules that surround this vary from one religion to another, and in some cases even from State to State, e.g. Louisiana fast from non-seafood meat only on Fridays during Lent, while really it is said that it should be any animal (product).

Its all just as confusing as Lent itself which is supposed to be until Easter.  40 days.  But really it ends up being 46 days, but some say that each Sunday is like a 'mini-Easter' and you can 'cheat'.  Say wha?  I never heard that until last year, and again reminded this year during research.

I think most people go with what they were brought up with.  For me that meant no eating meat on Fridays (unless it was fish or other seafood).  I was never asked to give anything up but once I was old enough to figure all that out, I made my own decisions.

And it wasn't until the past few years that I started the practice of fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.  Again, so many rules and 'outs'.. for example:  In some places, believers abstained from food for an entire day; others took only one meal each day, while others abstained from all food until 3 o'clock. In most places, however, the practice was to abstain from eating until the evening, when a small meal without vegetables or alcohol was eaten.

I have not eaten at all on Ash Wednesday (from the last meal on Tuesday until breakfast on Thursday)... the last 2 years but did eat on Good Friday, mostly because I had to run on Saturday.  :O/  This year my plan is to, on Good Friday, eat the one meal.

My other plan is to add the act of fasting one day a week during Lent.  There is a lot out there on why fasting is 'close to God' and how it plays into spirituality.  I won't bore you with that.  I like to keep my spirituality close to the cuff...

And this year moreso than ever...I will still hear my mother's voice when she would call me EVERY Friday and simply say "Dont eat meat today!"

And from the scripture:

Matthew 6.16-18

16... When you fast, do not put on a sad face as the hypocrites do. They neglect their appearance so that everyone will see that they are fasting. I assure you, they have already been paid in full. 17 When you go without food, wash your face and comb your hair, 18 so that others cannot know that you are fasting, only your Father, who is unseen, will know. And your Father, who sees what you do in private, will reward you.

Do you or your family observe Lent?  Ash Wednesday?  Fridays during Lenten?  What are you giving up?  Do you fast?