Since I knew that I was going to be missing my regularly scheduled and supported run with KW on Saturday morning, I had in my head a plan of action.
Unfortunately Mother Nature (and Mother) had other plans.
I had set my phone alarm for 6am, knowing that there was no way I was going to be running down FM1485 before it was light enough (even though I was fully armed with blinky light and head light as always in my backpack), but before the alarm even had a chance to go off, around 5:30am I was awakened by the sound of heavy rain, thunder and then I could see bright flashes of light.
Dadgumit!!!
The rain just kept coming as did the thunder and I knew that my plan was foiled.
Typically we don't start to attempt waking Mom up until around 8:30 or 9:00am so thankfully around 7:30 or so the rain had let up enough to where I just got dressed and headed out into what was now only a light mist. My plan had been reduced to run to the 2nd bridge and back (4 miles), come back by the house, check to see if Mom had woken up on her own, and get some water and head out again.
But by the time I was just getting back to the house, the wind started picking up as I ran inside to check on things, and then I just decided that I was going to just do loops there which I had driven it before and I knew it was just at a mile (I could check in on Mother every other mile or so). I set the water on the back of my SUV and headed out. Before I had even made it a half mile not only was it windy as hell, but it was getting colder by the second. The cold front was moving in, which is what I had hoped to avoid. By the start of the 6th mile it was unbearably cold for me and I just packed it in. I did have a long sleeve I could put on but...
When I went inside and peeked in on Mother she was indeed starting to stir so there was that...
A tough 6 miles for me. Running on that road (traffic scaring the beJesus out of me too often) and the mini-hills and the drizzle in my eyes, fighting the wind, I just sucked at it. But at least I felt like I did something. The loop there around the homestead isn't so bad (other than the scattered neighbors peeking out from their windows I know wondering 'who that crazy girl is running the gosh darn rain Vern?') I saw several people looking as the dogs would start barking...bringing their owners to the windows and screen covered front doors..
What bit was the fact that in Houston, KW was running in a rain free environment as the rain didnt bother Houston till much later than we would have started. Yes that is more of me being selfish (at first) thinking how upset I was ... so dumb and so childish ... Its just a freaking Saturday run June... so I did. I got over it and planned my attack to get the mileage in on Monday (that post cometh)...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Little Not So Independant
This past weekend I was supposed to be running the Texas Independance Relay (203 miles across Texas). Two weeks or so ago I found out I was an alternate, then later finding out that I indeed could be on the team (of course now they wanted someone with 9min miles which was not the original request, but I digress).
Not only was that something I wasn't going to be able to do (and besides I had stopped training for such a long relay), but I had also found out that my Mom was in her final days (we still dont know when obviously, but it 'won't be long' whatever that means). So clearly I wasn't going to commit to this given all of the above.
Even this past week I was asked by 2 other teams but declined. For what I would think are obvious reasons.
Which turned out to be the best decision because not only was my sister sick, but she has pneumonia. Shes doing much better now and talked the doctor out of admitting her to the hospital. The fact that right now I am just unable to really plan anything short term. I can schedule things but always make sure that whoever I am making those plans with or for, they understand that at any given notice I may not be available.
I am not going to lie. This weekend was tough for me. Part of me was angry because my routine was disrupted (not only not being able to do TIR but also having my long run foiled; more on that in the next post) but then all of me would feel guilt. Forget the fact that just caring for a dying parent isn't quite stressful and debilitating enough...It didn't make it any easier that I had to be subjected to constant updates on Facebook by those people I knew out there on the course. Out of all of them, only one persons updates didnt phase me much, because it was just the statistics. Thats really all that I cared about and all that I was actually able to stomach. I was thankful for his updates because as a close personal friend, I was happy for him and I put all my focus in his endeavor and no one elses.
Recently there was a study of some sort about how Facebook has caused a rise in depression (among other things), because of the barrage of updates and pictures that can sometimes (if a person is suseceptable to begin with; or can actually trigger) low self esteem. This I know to be true. There have been numerous occasions that I get overwhelmingly depressed or feel bad about myself or my life because of 'updates' from people with seemingly perfect lives. Facebook, just like the rest of the internet is suspect at best. People can and will portray anything and everything they can to make themselves into something, that in most cases I believe, that is simply not true.
Case in point: Here I am going through the most horrible and difficult time of my life, yet I do not post that on Facebook; yet I post all the excitement leading up to Bay to Breakers and Chicago, and how well this run went or how awesome hot yoga made me feel last night. While that is indeed true, it portrays nothing to the fact that I am crumbling on the inside and feel more alone than ever.
You can have all the friends in the world on Facebook but at the end of the day, only about 1% (if that) of those people really give a damn about your situation. They are more concerned with their own lives and doing exactly what we all do I think; pretend we are something we aren't. Protect ourselves from scutiny that we are ALL fucked up in some manner at any given time.
Let me be more specific; out of all my 'friends', there are 3...THREE that regularly check in with me. And out of those 3, only ONE (and one that I would never have suspected) that truly makes an effort to really understand what I am going through and offer her guidance and thoughts on it all. I am truly grateful to her, and I hope that when she reads this, she knows who she is... :O)
I am not saying that I expect anything more from people, because lets face it; we are a society of me, me, me and have become desensitized to the plight of those that we consider to be our friends. However I think along with everything else, Facebook has redefined the term 'friend' which saddens me to no end.
So I continue on as I have, trying to get through each day and not break down at any given time ... we just wait for Mom to be 'ready' to go and then we'll mourn and then yes, we'll move on. And through it all, I, along with the rest of my family, will just bond together and in that I take some comfort. Family is family, but it would be nice to be able to feel like the friends...you know the family you get to choose, would show a little compassion.
I told my dear (best) friend last night that I sometimes think how insensitive people are, or maybe I am just TOO sensitive and that I shouldnt be...but then no...I will NOT be less sensitive because that is who I am...I genuinely care about people and just wish that more people were.
Well you know how the saying goes: "Wish in one hand..."
Not only was that something I wasn't going to be able to do (and besides I had stopped training for such a long relay), but I had also found out that my Mom was in her final days (we still dont know when obviously, but it 'won't be long' whatever that means). So clearly I wasn't going to commit to this given all of the above.
Even this past week I was asked by 2 other teams but declined. For what I would think are obvious reasons.
Which turned out to be the best decision because not only was my sister sick, but she has pneumonia. Shes doing much better now and talked the doctor out of admitting her to the hospital. The fact that right now I am just unable to really plan anything short term. I can schedule things but always make sure that whoever I am making those plans with or for, they understand that at any given notice I may not be available.
I am not going to lie. This weekend was tough for me. Part of me was angry because my routine was disrupted (not only not being able to do TIR but also having my long run foiled; more on that in the next post) but then all of me would feel guilt. Forget the fact that just caring for a dying parent isn't quite stressful and debilitating enough...It didn't make it any easier that I had to be subjected to constant updates on Facebook by those people I knew out there on the course. Out of all of them, only one persons updates didnt phase me much, because it was just the statistics. Thats really all that I cared about and all that I was actually able to stomach. I was thankful for his updates because as a close personal friend, I was happy for him and I put all my focus in his endeavor and no one elses.
Recently there was a study of some sort about how Facebook has caused a rise in depression (among other things), because of the barrage of updates and pictures that can sometimes (if a person is suseceptable to begin with; or can actually trigger) low self esteem. This I know to be true. There have been numerous occasions that I get overwhelmingly depressed or feel bad about myself or my life because of 'updates' from people with seemingly perfect lives. Facebook, just like the rest of the internet is suspect at best. People can and will portray anything and everything they can to make themselves into something, that in most cases I believe, that is simply not true.
Case in point: Here I am going through the most horrible and difficult time of my life, yet I do not post that on Facebook; yet I post all the excitement leading up to Bay to Breakers and Chicago, and how well this run went or how awesome hot yoga made me feel last night. While that is indeed true, it portrays nothing to the fact that I am crumbling on the inside and feel more alone than ever.
You can have all the friends in the world on Facebook but at the end of the day, only about 1% (if that) of those people really give a damn about your situation. They are more concerned with their own lives and doing exactly what we all do I think; pretend we are something we aren't. Protect ourselves from scutiny that we are ALL fucked up in some manner at any given time.
Let me be more specific; out of all my 'friends', there are 3...THREE that regularly check in with me. And out of those 3, only ONE (and one that I would never have suspected) that truly makes an effort to really understand what I am going through and offer her guidance and thoughts on it all. I am truly grateful to her, and I hope that when she reads this, she knows who she is... :O)
I am not saying that I expect anything more from people, because lets face it; we are a society of me, me, me and have become desensitized to the plight of those that we consider to be our friends. However I think along with everything else, Facebook has redefined the term 'friend' which saddens me to no end.
So I continue on as I have, trying to get through each day and not break down at any given time ... we just wait for Mom to be 'ready' to go and then we'll mourn and then yes, we'll move on. And through it all, I, along with the rest of my family, will just bond together and in that I take some comfort. Family is family, but it would be nice to be able to feel like the friends...you know the family you get to choose, would show a little compassion.
I told my dear (best) friend last night that I sometimes think how insensitive people are, or maybe I am just TOO sensitive and that I shouldnt be...but then no...I will NOT be less sensitive because that is who I am...I genuinely care about people and just wish that more people were.
Well you know how the saying goes: "Wish in one hand..."
Friday, March 4, 2011
I'm A Little Bit Country....
I got a phone call today and I have to go to New Caney this afternoon to take care of my mom. I wasn't planning on going until tomorrow but my BIL called and my sister is very, very sick and is at the doctor. She just needs rest. Having to take care of my mom on top of it is not good.
What this means is a change to my weekend long run. I thought about doing it on Sunday morning back in the city, but I am working at the Locker on Sunday and I won't feel like it after caring for mom for 2 days anyway...
Soooooooooooo that means tomorrow I will be running my long run down a 2 lane farm road (with some ok scenery; bridges to run over etc.,), but not really at this time of year). I have a 3 mile stretch (6 miles with out and back) I can do, 4 times to make 12 miles (which I am supposed to do 13 miles) but I dont know if I can stomach that. But it would be easier to put fluids out, so that is what my initial plan is. I might run 1/2 mile further just so that it makes it 13 miles and I dont have to add on at the end. What sucks is that its just not conducive for a runner and last time I did any running out there, I ended up jumping off into the grass/ditch a lot because I got scared of the cars.
At least this will be early enough that there won't be that much traffic.
Talk about having to get out of my comfort zone.
I'm already kinda stressing about it.
I will just have to make the best of a not so good situation.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday Wow
Warm up: 15 min easy
H.I.I.T. Workout
1:30 min at 8:30pace
2 min at 5mph
x 5
2 min at 9:00pace
2 min at 5mph
x 5
2 min at 9:30pace
1 min at 5mph
x 4
(total: 55 min)
Tabata
20sec at 8.5mph (7:27pace)
10 sec off
x 8 (total 4 minutes)
5 min cool down - walk at 3.5mph
Total workout/treadmill time = 73 minutes
Weights (mostly back, bi's and tri's); One machine for quads (3 sets x 2)
Hip Hop Ab's - Ab Sculptor DVD - 24 minutes (at home)
H.I.I.T. Workout
1:30 min at 8:30pace
2 min at 5mph
x 5
2 min at 9:00pace
2 min at 5mph
x 5
2 min at 9:30pace
1 min at 5mph
x 4
(total: 55 min)
Tabata
20sec at 8.5mph (7:27pace)
10 sec off
x 8 (total 4 minutes)
5 min cool down - walk at 3.5mph
Total workout/treadmill time = 73 minutes
Weights (mostly back, bi's and tri's); One machine for quads (3 sets x 2)
Hip Hop Ab's - Ab Sculptor DVD - 24 minutes (at home)
Hellllooo Lovah!
I got the strangest compliment yesterday...As I was leaving what was quite possibly the best hot yoga practice I have ever had (not only mentally but physically), a girl that was slightly in front of me during class got my attention outside and said: "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before...but today, especially during half moon, you looked so much like Carrie Bradshaw I couldnt stop staring at you". I looked at her oddly because it honestly threw me off guard. She then said "thats a compliment!". I wondered later exactly what she meant specifically...I wondered if she meant what Carrie would look like in a hot sweaty mess doing a pose that I loathe beyond all comprehension? (half moon is my demon; I just hate it although yesterday I tried a new mental technique and got through it for the first time without really even realizing I had). Or did she mean my face? My body? What?
I know there was at least one episode of SATC where Carrie and Samantha were in a yoga class (oh plus the one where Samantha picks up a guy in yoga class), but I couldnt for the life of me find a still from that episode! And I know for certain it wasn't anything like what I do at YBC. :O)
 |
| Oh Carrie, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! |
I do know that SJP is an avid yoga and pilates nut, which is why her body is so bangin'; I have read enough of the articles of her interviews on the subject(s). Now if only.... :O)
So to elaborate more on why yesterday was so awesome (physically) I not only can nail my 'hover' (see below photo; still not down to the 3in though; more like 5 or 6in)...
I conquered Tuladandasana or more commonly known as 'balancing stick' yesterday! Only on one side (my left side is harder due to lower back disk issue on that side' meaning when using the left leg as my balancing leg and raising the right as shown in picture).
I have done Tuladandasana before just as a one off pose, but I have never been able to nail it in a class 50 minutes into a class where you are already tiring...and the heat is suffocating you. It truly became me mentally checking completely out during this; and most of the class actually (which is the most heart raising and most difficult pose in the series because of the ones leading up to it and that its the last pose of the standing series)...AND I held that sucker for the full length! I didn't even let the sweat pouring from my face onto the towel below shake me.
I love who I have become because of practicing hot yoga. When you start getting comments (not talking about the above CB one) about how 'you're so different; in a good way', you feel pretty darn spectacular.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Ugly Truth
Let's start with the good stuff first...
Ran in these last night and looooooooooooooooove them! Granted its one run, but I think I might have found a new shoe! We'll give it a week to be sure.
Now for the ugly...
I am in a funkety funkety funk funk. Its bad this time around. I am not going to go all into it, the why's or anything like that, because really it isnt good reading; let's face it Charlie Sheen has me beat on cracking the crazy code...and you are all too busy waiting to see the next installment of his crazy anyway. :O)
My head is all messed up, I find (most) people annoying and disappointing. Then on top of all of that, I get a text message from one of my best, oldest and dearest friends last night asking for prayers...his wife of just a few months has left him and wants a divorce. He is devastated beyond belief.
He is seriously the kindest, gentlest, most perfect man specimen I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend. Lets just say it made me think some pretty awful things about love in general. My heart is further breaking because of this.
I am just at a loss as to why on earth I cannot for the life of me realize that in general, people just don't treat people the way they want to be treated in return. And I am sick to death of it. This statement pertains to just more than my friends devastation right now.
My giving heart and desire to be the person that makes things all right is just in dire distress.
I have nothing left.
Tonight, I yoga.
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